1. Football Hooligans - Idiots. You'd think that they would consider a wardrobe change to make it difficult to spot them but no. I think they like people to know what cretins they are. I Saw some at the station this morning and their Burberry hats and Stone Island jackets just scream out 'I am a twat who knows nothing about the actual game of football but likes to fight'. Football has enough problems as it is without the word itself preceding hooligan to create such a vile subculture. Why do you never get Rugby hooligans? Or Tennis hooligans? Why aren't Andy Murray 'fans' calling up Roger Federers 'followers' to rendezvous just outside Melbourne Park to engage in fisticuffs?
2. Teenagers - They can't talk quietly, they shuffle around in packs and I hate them. One particular low jeans wearing lothario was swanning around the shop chomping on a pastry from Greggs, spilling most of it on my hallowed shop floor. I looked at him and said in my most authoritarian voice: " Do you mind not spilling your pastry all over the floor mate".
It may not sound like much but his chums spent the next 5 minutes ripping it out of him and I basked in their collective laughter.
Nico 1-0 Teenagers
It may not sound like much but his chums spent the next 5 minutes ripping it out of him and I basked in their collective laughter.
Nico 1-0 Teenagers
3. Someone left an empty Starbucks cup in the shop. This is a great excuse to rant about the soul stealing brand from across the pond. There are four in the town centre, FOUR!! Reading isn't that big, we're not even a bloody city. Firstly, it's far too expensive. Secondly, it'll make you fat. A vanilla bullshit cappulatte grande milkacino has nearly as many calories as a big mac. If they keep saturating the market then independent traders aren't going to be able to compete. If I had a surefire way of not getting apprehended I would orchestrate a synchronised window smashing of all the Reading locations (After closing of course. I'd like to avoid any bystander injuries). I just want to stick it to 'The Man'.
4. It's seriously cold.
5. I have football tomorrow but my legs feel heavier than an American at an all you can eat buffet. If my muscles don't loosen up soon people will start calling me the Tin Man.
6. Thinking back to last nights poker game and how irritating my brother is when intoxicated, and winning. It's a truly horrific combination.
7. The Guardian magazine printed the answer to the Scrabble puzzle halfway through so I accidentally saw the solution before seeing the conundrum thus ruining it for me.
7. The Guardian magazine printed the answer to the Scrabble puzzle halfway through so I accidentally saw the solution before seeing the conundrum thus ruining it for me.
Luckily, this photo cheered me up.
GOOD LORD! Known simply as... Man who looks like thumb.
On a more serious note, whilst meandering through the Oracle with a friend, we both remarked how frustrating it was when the people strolling in front of you stop all of a sudden. The third occasion this happened was at an escalator. A most inconvenient time for such deceleration I thought, so mumbled something loudly enough so the group in front could hear. As it turned out one of the people ahead of us had a learning disability. The dad of the group gave me a look that made me feel smaller than an ants suitcase. I felt awful. I'm very sorry, it was an honest mistake.
Retail Lesson #3
Only try and humiliate customers who are younger, smaller and geekier than yourself.
Customer quote of the day
Me: "are you OK?"
Teenage Girl: (softly spoken and shivering) "I can't open my purse. My hands are fucking cold"
You had to be there!
Nico
On a more serious note, whilst meandering through the Oracle with a friend, we both remarked how frustrating it was when the people strolling in front of you stop all of a sudden. The third occasion this happened was at an escalator. A most inconvenient time for such deceleration I thought, so mumbled something loudly enough so the group in front could hear. As it turned out one of the people ahead of us had a learning disability. The dad of the group gave me a look that made me feel smaller than an ants suitcase. I felt awful. I'm very sorry, it was an honest mistake.
Retail Lesson #3
Only try and humiliate customers who are younger, smaller and geekier than yourself.
Customer quote of the day
Me: "are you OK?"
Teenage Girl: (softly spoken and shivering) "I can't open my purse. My hands are fucking cold"
You had to be there!
Nico
As the author of said Scrabble puzzle I have raised the issue with them and in future they're just going to give the grid reference and word of the solution, not reproduce the whole board.
ReplyDeleteStewart Holden